You know I actually somewhat agree with you. Animals don't have the thought processes that we do. They just eat, **** and then die. They don't search for meaning.

I do think that healthcare hasn't figured out mental health yet. You walk into the emergency room suicidal and they just prescribe you meds that take 6 weeks to work and let you go home and toil in your misery.

I don't know how to find meaning. If you check out the Wikipedia article on Absurdism it pretty much says that religion is the only way to go. Personally, I haven't found the willpower to make a leap of faith so I'm stuck in Kierkegaard's "demonic madness" (like I presume you are). I also haven't figured out how to enjoy that...

Nothing I can say will make you feel better but just keep venting here. We're not going to judge you because we feel similarly.