Hi LL,

It sounds like you have been taking some time to reflect on your relationship and your life and you have come to many new revelations. That’s actually a very good thing. You are trying to be more honest with yourself and that is the right place to start – for anyone. It takes courage to admit to our own faults and weaknesses and to face them.

Relationships take work. They require clear, honest communication. You have had a lot of insights. That is how you perceive things and there is some truth there. However, do not be mistaken and believe your truth is the only truth. You have a wonderful girl and it time to share your insights with each other so you can both tackle these relationship problems together. That is the strength of being in a relationship – you are not alone, you have each other to rely on. I would suggest you also start seeing a therapist if you are not already doing so. An outside perspective from a professional can help immensely. They can share strategies to help you become the person you want to be.

Try not to take on the world alone. Too many people do. Involve others, get a support system in place. Allow yourself to get all the help you can get and need. Make your girlfriend an integral part of your healing process. You recognize the problems so now it’s time to do something about it. And that is something you do have the power to do. You don’t have to give up on yourself or your relationship. You can become a stronger person, the person you want to be. Life is about the choices we make. You have the choice now to conquer your demons, so do it. You’re not a bad person, you struggle just like all of us do. Don’t hate yourself. Learn to love yourself so you have love to give to your girlfriend and those around you. You can overcome and succeed but it all starts with a personal choice to do just that. So make that choice. Good luck to you!