I am normally ok with privacy, but this is too much. I find it hard to reason why he would rather walk out of 36 years of marriage rather than let you see his bank account. It does make me very concerned that he's in debt, and over his head. I agree, don't put your name on his account.

Do you think there could be any other reason for his behaviour? How was he when you were first married - was he more open with finances? Are there any other things that have changed with his behaviour?

Please don't be angry with yourself, its scary stuff having this hang over your head. I do not know how to make him include you, I guess you cannot make anyone do anything. Have you tried saying to him that you want to know for a few reasons? That you are concerned about his spending habits, but say that you'll stick by him to try and help sort things through with them? Explain that it will not get better until he faces the truth. There are debt experts that can help. Maybe the gentler approach, sitting down together may help him open up. He could be feeling afraid because everything is out of control. This is only a guess of course, but I did that in my youth, and I would be in denial and when confronted, be quite aggressive about not talking about it.

Hugs