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I have one alter who feels like doing mean things. She is about 13 most of the time. She was not allowed to be angry or express herself a lot of times so her feelings got very confusing for her. She feels rage at the world - the world being her dad for not allowing her to be herself. He would hurt her physically till she was crying and mad, then he would tell her she shouldn't be mad, that she asked for it, that she liked it. But she shouldn't go by her feelings. If she would get mad she would be punished.
Now this insider met the T I used to have and he allowed her to be angry and talk about what happened. When the insider is around she still feels anger and sometimes she still feels rage. Sometimes I just have to let her say how she feels and validate her feelings. I used to feel like she was a monster and I and the insiders were scared of her. But really, she is hurt just like the others, probably she was hurt most from all us. She protected herself by scaring everyone else so she wouldn't get hurt again, but it also made her very lonely. She needs to know that she is heard and understood. so the T told the insider he would be her friend and it took a long time for her to trust him. the t was a daddy for some of the insiders but the angry one could only allow the T to be a friend. It is still hard for her to trust. I think it always will be hard for that insider to trust. But now she knows its ok to be angry, that its better to talk about the anger and have someone validate her feelings than keep it all to herself if she thinks she's going to do something she knows is hurtful. she also knows that I and the other insiders love her. She isn't able to love as much as some of the others but she respects the rest for it because she knows I and the rest won't do anything that would hurt her. We all understand that we have all been hurt enough.
Sometimes it takes a while to find the right T. Like friends - people usually don't have a good working relationship unless they kinda click, right. so if your T and you don't work well together, try someone else. Also ask if they have experience working with DID and what their perspective is on it. See if you can find a way to work together. One T might only talk to the outside person about their insiders while another T is willing to talk with the insiders.
Figure out what you’re comfortable with.
Sorry this is so long. It kinda fell out of my fingers. I hope things work out for you.
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