Haha Cbox, gosh I've missed you
Lets see...
He knows about my cray cray thinking (a bit too much) but I'm not involving him in the details as this is what lead us straight to Sour Town repeatedly in the past. i.e I would tell him everything, everything and I would be obessessive about making him feel sorry for me and how he was supposed to make me feel better.

This time around, before we even discussed reuniting he let me know beforehand what his schedule is like, because he didn't want me to feel unwanted. And I told him he would no longer be my go-to guy for when the crazybug bites, because its my issues, my responsibilty. I cant just hand it over to him now and hold him responsible for my issues.

He cant set a default reply because we IM. Certain times (when I know he's most likely at his busiest) I dont actively expect a reply, and immediatley close my IM screen and do something else. But hoping for a reply, I still do, and thats what's kicking the wind out of me.

Most days we either text right through the work day, (he even wakes up earlier just to say morning to me and makes sure I'm safely in the bus) or right through the night because he was busy during the day. And when he cant talk he'll just send "thinking of u" texts or kissyfaces... but why oh why does this not make up for not replying immediately?

Why do I need an immediate response? The world doesn't revolve around me!

On Saturday I sent him a sms to say I was worried because his last online activity was hours ago and even if he doesn't chat, he checks his messages... Greatfully he didn't make me feel stupider and sent me silly kissyfaces and a "missing you" pic on IM.

Idk hey, logically I know I'm being illogical, so I'm annoying myself.
So yeah I'm tired and annoyed with my thought process...

Practice practice practice riiight? This sure takes alot of energy. My emotional thinking sucks wetrabiddogass! I'm pretty sure its at the core of my self-loathing problem. Although I thankfully dont actively loathe myself as much or everyday anymore

Thanks for all the replies, you guys are so great, even though I haven't been on this board in forever

PS. Yessssss! Cbox cares!