Lin-Lin,
What was it about planning your husband's birthday party that made it easier for you? Is there a way you could recreate that? I find that when I am planning spiritual rituals I feel better. Maybe you could plan a special outing with your family or put your energy into planning a garden or something. Could it be that since you were planning something special for someone outside yourself it made you feel like a good girl? Headaches were a major problem of mine for years and years. I would have them every single day. It never really went away. I took so many tylenol day after day. Sometimes I wondered if I had a tumor. They went away when I started therapy and got some stuff off my chest.
These are just some thoughts that went through my head when I was reading your post. Please take care of yourself.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft