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I recognize that everyone has an opinion on looking outside of one’s relationship for something else. I’d like to not define it as cheating or infidelity, as some people seeking outside of a relationship do so with the permission of their partner. However you define it, I'm interested in finding out what everyone thinks about it. That said, “cheating” will probably be the easiest term to use in this discussion. Whether you denounce it, feel that it's a construct of society due to relationship standards or whatever else; I think we can have an interesting and intelligent dialogue on the subject. Keep in mind, everyone has different values and mud-slinging is lame. If things get nasty in here, so help me, I will turn this car around and we will all go back home.
Is it nature or nurture? Is it hereditary? If we don’t learn from our parents or find it in our genetic makeup, are we more prone to want a partner outside of a relationship if we’ve been cheated on, or witnessed it outside of our families?
Can it be considered a coping mechanism for a bad relationship? Looking at it as a coping mechanism and judging that to be bad or good is debatable; but logically, it seems to be a place some people turn when they don’t know how to deal with problems within the constructs of a relationship.
Is it an addiction? If alcoholism is seen as a disease, why not cheating? Certainly it could fit in the definition of sexual addiction. Though this might not explain emotional affairs necessarily.
Why do people feel it necessary to not be satisfied with their partner? Is it selfishness? Is it lack of empathy or caring? Is it going against one’s own nature to be monogamous? Is it something else? People tend to point the finger at those who “cheat” as being terrible human beings, but people change…relationships change, and some people aren’t able to appropriately deal with such changes. The logical choice would be to discuss the changes with one’s partner, but let’s be honest. If it were so easy to discuss anything, divorce rates would certainly be lower than they are. Conflict will always exist in relationships and we don’t live in a perfect world where everyone can handle them the “right” way.
The last questions deal with continuity. Why do those cheated on stay? Why do those who cheat continue to test the boundaries – even after being discovered?
So many questions. I’m sure you have more. What are they? Are there answers? Let’s talk!
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