Hi Big Mama,
I'm not sure how useful this would be, but wanted to share my thoughts.

Firstly, children are remarkably adaptable and understanding. When their parents are upset or angry or scared, they can see it. I'm sure your kids would rather see you happy than frustrated as you are at the moment. If you take the decision to divorce, I'm also pretty sure that your two older kids will understand the reasons. I'm not saying it will be easy on them, but they will understand.

I guess you have a judgement to make of what would be best for yourself and your kids. Will the kids be more damaged by you staying and them having to live in an environment with arguments and an unhappy Mum, or will they be more damaged by a split?

It is very, very unfair of your H to threaten your internet and your pony whilst making sure all his hobbies and interests are well catered for. Your children will need the internet for school, so by cutting that, he'd be damaging their education. The pony is also remarkably educational and therapeutic for the children, especially when the parents are having a tough time. I'm sure you're not the only one who talks to the pony

On the other hand, household finances are extremely stressful when money is tight. Everybody who lives on a budget has the same arguments. I suspect your H's bad attitude may be caused by the stress of those finances. Of course that doesn't make it easier, but hopefully, it's a blip rather than something that's going to go on.

My thoughts are with you.

As for coming here to dump and rant. Don't worry about it! Sometimes we need to do these things to get it out of our system and maybe put some perspective on things. That's what these boards are for - mutual support.

I hope things get better soon