I haven't really been around here in a while, but I mentioned my boyfriend a while ago in a previous post.

We've been together for 2 years now and it wasn't until last year when I noticed his bipolar cycles were becoming truly problematic for us. He'd have the depressive stages and I wouldn't hear from him in a week or so. Then he'd follow that up with some serious irritability and everything I'd do or say would cause him to yell.

Well, he's on tour with the circus and he won't be back until June. That's a little hard for both of us, but we try to talk on the phone at night to keep in touch. Last night I was talking and we had a little awkward silence and he went off on me. I heard "Why do you bother to call me? Do you really think I care about some of the things you have to say? It really upsets me that you do this to me"... So, I just said "sorry" and tried to push it off and he hung up on me.

I felt upset, of course. Seeing that these reactions have been common, I wasn't exactly surprised. But it got me thinking about our future and about how much more I can take. I used to fight back in the early days and it was pointless. So this morning I tried to be honest and I told him that I loved him very much and that he should seriously consider some form of counseling or self help books... that it's just not fair neither him nor me to go through this at all.

Here's the conversation:

Me: You have to understand that I am having a difficult time manuevering through your moods. I'm always supportive and here for you, but I think it would help if you could see a therapist about this.

Him: If you don't want me, be done with me then. I love you but you have to put up with my crap.

Me: Well, I love you too and I don't want to leave you. But does that mean you can't help yourself out?

Him: Well don't complain* and deal with my bipolarity.

.... Ugh. I feel like in the end I'm going to lose this. I might lose my mind first, but how can manage him?