I'm sorry you are in such a desperate situation. Its hard to ask for help, but sometimes that is the only way you will get it. I went through all of junior high and high school very depressed. My grades dropped, I stopped talking and lost twenty pounds within a matter of weeks. The school had a crisis center, butI was too afraid to go. I wanted someone to step forward and help, but fgured they hadn't noticed.

Years later I went back to my highschool to see my old guidance counsellor. She told me that she and all my teachers had noticed that something was very wrong but didn't know what. She said they discussed it amongst themselves.
Several grown ups, all there to teach and help the kids and not one of them ever asked me if there was a problem.

Point being that you will stand a better chance at getting help if you confide in someone and be honest about how bad you feel. Since your mother is attempting to reach you, she would be the logical choice of someone for you to talk to. I know its scary, but she can help you find a therapist to help you. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. It doesn't mean you are weak. In fact the opposite is true. It takes courage to ask for help. Don't let yourself fall deeper and deeper into depression.

Sam2