Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

nurse" doctor there is a guy here wanting to see you because he thinks he is invisible"
doctor" I can't see him now, tell him to come back later when i can see him"

doctor doctor i feel like a fish....... is your wife battering you!