oh dottie how i wish i could soften the sharpness off your bitter grief. when i was a very young child, our minister gave a sermon that has stck with me my whole life. It ws about the two saddest word in the Englsh language: "What if?".

Putting yourself in the viscoius circle of what if's around your brother's choices and death is driving you nuts. It was his life in God's hands. We can't know the why's from our earthly perspective...... that's where faith comes in, isn't it? That there is a bigger picture that we can't see, but that all is in order anyway. Hard hard hard.

I feel like letting go is the hardest thing we humans have to learn how to do. On so many fronts. Always in our face one way or another. OwOwOwOwOw I am sooo sorry for your pain.

I agree with the others: Please tell us about him and your childhood together. Let us help you celebrate the good memories he left with you, OK?