I really could have used some company tonight after graduation and saying goodbye to J... but I couldn't find a single person to keep me company. That makes me feel really bad about myself.

I guess the reason why I idealize J so much is because he's one of the only decent people in my life. The response from one of my dance friends: "I'm off to have a night of awesome sex"...he has a bit of a narcissistic personality and didn't understand that I was feeling down about graduation.

I emailed J complaining about that dance friend blowing me off....didn't think it was too personal, but he still ignored my email. I guess I just want someone to understand how tough my situation is... I'm not looking for consoling or a quick fix, just someone to say "that must be really tough for you." I guess I trust J a lot and that's why I go to him...

thank goodness I have therapy tonight, I need it