I have a problem..
I have very low self esteem and I'm not very confident in myself.. but most people would never know that.
Around people, I act like I am so much better than I actually think I am. My problem is that I have a hard time being nice to guys that ask me out.. I make their worst rejection nightmares come true.. sort of.
When i was little, I always had little boys telling me that they liked me and asking me to be their girlfriend. I always said "no." When they asked why, I just simply told them the truth: "I don't like you."
Now that i'm older, it's gotten worse. I get stared at by nasty, old, disgusting, hairy, ugly, icky, weird guys all the time. They'll whistle sometimes and yell out from their car when my mom and i go on walks.
I get asked out all the time..
I don't know what it is, but I don't want a boyfriend, I think, because of my lack of confidence. I don't think I could make someone happy if I can't even make myself happy.
So I NEVER EVER say "yes". i did one time, though, and that obviously didn't work out.
I'm seventeen years old and i don't date. I won't date even a guy that i am interested in..
I wrote about this before, but this really bugs me.. every day.
I reject every single guy ever and not in a nice way, either.
If a guy comes up to me and asks me to go out or simply for my cell number, I get angry.. REALLY angry.. i get insulted and annoyed.. and i show it.
I am mean and i say mean things and i reject them the worst possible way..
I used to roll my eyes at them and say "yeah right"..
The way that i reject guys isn't right.. but i just don't know what to do.. I feel really bad. I've been mean to some many guys that I've lost count.
I can't even imagine what something I've said has done to their self esteem..
I have a friend who is 23.. he was 21 when I met him and I was 15.. BIG age difference!
He asked me out. I liked him but I was dating someone else at the time.. but instead of telling him that, I yelled at him every time he asked to hang out and I told him to leave me alone and to go back to work {we worked together}.. He asked me why I wouldn't go out with him, even just once, and I just said " BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!!"
I want to change that.. it's very difficult for me.
I can't deal with someone who likes me.. i just can't.
Who would've thought that i am one of those b-itchy girls that reject guys like that?
I don't have guy friends because I am afraid of hurting them..
what do I do?
how should I act?
I don't want to hurt people anymore..
I AM not trying to act like the victim. I just need to figure out how to change..
I hate that I act this way, it makes me hate myself..
this has to stop.