Have you tried talking?

Like doing exercises where you just tell her how you are currently feeling. Verbalize your selflessness. Explain why you are doing things. Your posts show that your capable of expressing yourself. Don't try to change overnight. It will take time.

Also, you can learn to frame disappointment and frustration without harming the other individual.

Ask your wife to be in your shoes. Let her understand that you appreciates the actions she does. Give her positive affirmations through actions and words. Tell her you love her and kiss her in front of the kids. Practice coupling a small endearing phrase with the action. Hug your children.

When I do something for my boyfriend there is a 'cost'. I ask him for kisses! After you get off from work, talk to your wife and see if she will allow you to hug her because you missed her. Tell her a hug gives you the willpower to do the wash.

You can communicate with your actions in a loving way. You can be physically expressive. My dad and mom showered my sister and I in kisses and hugs. My dad couldn't say 'i love you' but his actions showed it and he eventually got there. It takes practice.