Hi Wilting. I hope I can be of some help.

Firstly, please allow me to say I am sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine how you must feel.

I don't think, going off your first post, he is necessarily a pervert, nor do I think he himself is a danger to your son, if that was ever a fear. I do think, however, he is being INCREDIBLY irresponsible by offering to host for men he does not know with a child present, and I think he is being just as disrespectful to you and your marriage by doing such things. Your anger there is totally and completely justified. His behavior to you in doing this is a violation of the "contract" of a sorts that is your marriage vow. I am sorry he has put you through this.

I do not believe he has the right to blame you or anybody else (in the matter of "anyone else" barring perhaps extreme circumstances). I think, though this is my thoughts with myself having only an outsider's view on it (thus please someone do correct me if I am mistaken), that this was likely a present desire well before he ever married you. You are not to blame.

I always find it difficult to advise anything regarding the status quo of married couples, and I generally try to avoid the subject as I am able. I don't feel it's my place to offer such advice. However, if you are interested in trying to maintain the relationship, I would recommend marriage counseling for the two of you. They can, perhaps, help discover why he felt this was the best course of action, and help you two reconcile and work past the betrayal. If you decided not to, my advice then would be to grab a screenshot of the ads (control + prntsc on your keyboard, if memory serves?) and try to provide adequate documentation proving it is indeed him (a decent attorney on his part would try to deny the ads are actually his, and probably try to call you out, for lack of better legal parlance, for "snooping" or some such nonsense). Either way, I would ultimately advise you give yourself a length of time to process the information you've been given...don't make major decisions while the news and shock is still fresh. When you've had that time, trust your heart.

Again, I am so sorry this has happened to you. He owed it to you to at least have the honesty to tell you what was going on there (admittedly, probably idealistic on my part, but...still), and his actions were without consideration of your feelings or with any respect for your relationship.

Please know you are in my prayers, and if I can do anything for you, I'm only a PM away.

Hugs,
Harley

EDIT: Wow...yes it is Hankster. I hadn't noticed. Who resurrected the topic?

Anyway, my thoughts still stand. Should you ever read this Wilted, I do hope things worked out, however they may.