nonerveendings, the more you tell about yourself, it seems you've been keeping a lot of this to yourself for a very long time. So you maybe haven't been able to sort out what is healthy for you. It seems that there is more than just keeping emotionally distant and it would be a good idea to find someone who can help you explore if something has happened that is making you feel this way about others. It might be that you are simply more introverted and that would seem fine as long as you're not being destructive. My concern would be your thoughts towards the girl crossing the street - making eye contact with you just to piss you off - unless she said this to you or you've had prior incidents with her where she said something to be hurtful to you- I'd say you have no way of knowing if she was trying to piss you off. To have violent thoughts towards her - seems you may have some anger that you need check out. May or may not be the case but it would be a place to start if you're wondering why you are feeling/not feeling or thinking the way you are. just my thoughts.