I have decided to stop hating myself for being addicted to my pain medication. People talk down to me because I take a certain opioid. What they do not know or never get to see is me in so much pain in my back that I just want to die. I am accepting that I have to take these. I have tried many drugs and what I take now works and I am just tired of feeling like a bad person for taking pills. I hate them and I love them, a touchy relationship. I am not going to get a new spine so this is were I am at. I do not know what the future holds but at least I can function at a level that allows me to feel like a human being. I do not want to take drugs but have quit all the street drugs and rarely have a drink any more . I quit smoking pot. now I take what is prescribed which is not a lot and even though I miss having a good buzz I am becoming a better person. I need to be a better man for my girlfriend who still struggles with a few nasty habits, but looks up to me because she can see quitting the same things she is dealing with is possible. I am no better than any one else but am not going to kick my self any more for taking a drug that keeps me on my feet and somewhat involved with life.. This has been an unusual subject for me as I rarely sound this positive and would not expect me to sound like this very often. Thanks for listening, that felt good.