As I look back and see all the wreckage from my bi polar behavior, I'm having PTSD I think. I wish I was stable after having my 5 year old and 3 year old daughters, but it took multiple dui's, public embarrassment and losing my carrier and financial ruin to get me to the right meds, just 450mg of lithium and 250mg of seroquil to see the world straight like I did before all this happened. What's frustrating is that when I was irritable and ruining relationships and binge drinking I could not see a world where I was just calm. There is now a new me, stable and calm and the world is simple. Its just hard to look all these people back in the eyes after being so crazy but I have to get back out there. My family does not recognize that my behavior was bi polar, they were happy when I said it was all my ego run crazy as it says in the big book, that I took responsibility for it all, but now that I see it's a disease I suppose I'm looking for compassion.