OK as a woman I love sex. I do not speak for anyone but myself and I do not pretend to have an easy pat answer. I just wanted to share my experience and maybe something there might be helpful. For me learning to be a sexual woman was a growing experience

I was also raped as a teenager and for years I just looked at sex as a necessary evil. Something that I had to do if I wanted to secure and hold a man and if I wanted to ever have a baby. My first husband was abusive and full of himself and then turned to drugs and our marriage ended in a disaster.

When I met the man who is now my husband, something changed. We had sex on our fourth date, and again I was scared to death. It was also very different than I had ever known before and my whole attitude slowly began to change.

We are sort of programmed by society that sex is evil, sort of like the forbidden fruit. We put all sorts of restrictions on where people can do it and also we hear a lot about sexual predators and the exploitation of sex.

I began to change my thinking, feelings, and emotional responses when I began to think of sex as a natural act, something that men and women do together. When two people love and respect each other sex is the most natural, normal, beautiful and pleasurable experience that it was designed to be. There can be all kinds of problems when we are afraid, inadequately aroused, exploited and made to feel violated or vulnerable. It does not have to be that way though. When I fell in love with my husband, I realized that sex made him very happy. As his lover and then as his wife it was my duty to make him happy just as he endeavored to please me.
Soon my attitude began to change. Sex was not about me anymore but it was about us. The love, the trust, and the commitment that two people share in this most intimate of all acts bonds us together.

Perhaps this sounds ideal and overly romantic. I do not think that one can overcome fears and inhibitions just by deciding to do so. It takes time and it is ok to go slow, perhaps a little further each time. For me the key was to get beyond the mere animal gratification and realize that my fears were the product of years of negative conditioning as well as some violent abuse. It has made all of the difference in the world