Hi, Kimmydawn and Hi everyone else! I've been away from the site for awhile. I've been having current trauma, called divorce from nasty, abusive husband. Not fun! But I miss you all so much and this site is very good for my recovery. I wanted to comment on this subject. First of all, I saw DID as the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. Like being beamed up by aliens and anally probed LOL! My T liked that one and thought that was funny. But now, I realize that the human brain is an amazing organ that I do not think we will ever fully understand. I view DID as a complicated coping mechanism that actually saves us all from going stark raving mad or dying from the actual trauma. My T never triggered me to remember things, he only suggested that I read the book, "Trauma and Recovery". As I was reading the book, I realized I had a lot more going on underneath my layers of consciousness than just PTSD. I even asked my T to hypnotize me, but he emphatically refused. He said, "hypnotizing you would be redundant because you are in a hypnotic state most of the time. Also I don't like to induce memories on clients. They need to remember when they are ready. It (hypnosis) can be too traumatizing." So, one evening, I kept having this intrusive thought of 'cold, wet, diapers'. I was in my bedroom, at the time, sitting on the bed, and my repressed memory came on suddenly, without warning. Mine was like watching a movie with the adult me looking at the baby non-verbal me. I had a non-verbal memory because I was too young for speach. When it was over (5 seconds, maybe), I thought, "oh this is bad. I can't believe this happened to me!" But at the time of the repressed memory, I had no emotional reaction to it other than shock and disbelief. About 2 weeks after the memory, I was standing in the bathroom brushing my hair or something, and suddenly I slumped to the floor and began to wail. Not cry or sob, but wail. I had never experienced grief like that in my life. I wailed for about 20 minutes. I thought I was going to die from the grief, but suddenly I stopped, and a sense of peace came over me that I have never experienced in my life. My T said that was probably the worst one. I know thier will be others, but I am not stable enough in my life right now to encourage remembering, but I know that, no matter how horrible these memories are, there is healing after each one. I think we are the bravest people in the world to be going through this, and you all are my personal heroes!