Dear T,

I'm feeling like a huge failure. My anxiety was super high when I got done with work. I told myself if I was still feeling yucky after I took a hot bath, then I would let myself have a drink. Well, one drink turned into several, and me getting drunk. Even though I didn't cut, I feel like the drinking was a form of or a substitute for self harm. I wish I had more effective coping methods for when my anxiety level gets that high, but I don't. The skills we talked about help some for mild-moderate anxiety, but not the severe level that it was at tonight. I know that pdoc would give me prn Ativan, but at this point I'm hesitant to ask him for it (due to infertility treatments and the possibility of a pregnancy in the near future). My next appointment with pdoc isn't until May, so if the infertility treatment doesn't work, then I will probably ask for it. Monday seems so far away.