Im so overwhelmed these days. The whole leg thing I had going on kinda triggered these anxious feelings. Although I know its not blood clots & Im not worrying about it, I am stressed about everything. The whole situation with my bro in law & his gf is even worse since they moved in right next door. Again. I dont even go outside because that woman gives me a really bad feeling. And I dont want her to see me. She gives me the nastiest looks & it takes every ounce of will that I have to not punch her. My husband isnt working. We have no money. We have to scrimp & save just to pay the light bill. I have no family to hang out with to help my isolation. And my friends do meth & I dont even want to be around that & risk a relapse after 12 years clean. If it were'nt for facebook I literally wouldnt speak to anyone. My pain in my low back & C-spine & arms have gotten unbearable & I cant ask for pain meds without my doc looking at me like a drug addict. So for over 3 years I have been in pain & its progressivly getting worse. Im not able to see my oldest son. I seen him once, breaking the law, in a year and a half. And it makes me sad to see how hes grown. Hes 5'10! Ugh Im so tired of it all. I wish things were different. My birthday is in a week & I just know its going to suck. I just dont care anymore. I dont xare what people think about me. I guess thats a good thing in a way but in a way its not cause I tend to be a b-word.