well- I really don't think my husband truly understands english. I hate that I have hope each day that he will understand. He is very cruel. I wrote this just a few minutes ago.- am I crazy? do I want too much?

Overwhelmed I sit.
Looking to you,
for strength,
for help.

You,
look at me,
seeing what I don’t do.

Not who I am,
what I need.

I plead daily,
In different ways.
With the hope each morning,
That this will be the day you look my way…and smile.

Assuring me,
that I am safe with you.
That you are there for me,
where I need you most.

In my heart,
in my mind,
in my soul.

But in reality,
you only look at me and smile,
to be in my body.

My soul aches,
for the love you cannot give.
for the life,
I cannot live.

To you,
I do not exist.
Only this flesh,
which is my cage.

You cannot see.
And put the blame
on me.

Such a heavy load I have carried.
chasing after your words,
your promises,
wanting to see them unfold.
They never do.

I have lost my strength,
While you smile and carry on.
Leaving me to pick up the pieces,
alone.