Hi Granite,

I'm sorry you feel so awful about how your therapy is going. I'd just like to point out that (like me), you tend to interpret other peope's behavior and make assumptions without checking to see if your perceptions are correct. For example, the fact that your t didn't come get you right away made you feel like she wanted to make you wait. But there are other possible explanations. Maybe she got an emergency page during her last session and had to respond quickly before coming to get you. Maybe she had to go to the bathroom.

Also, I don't think she lied when she said she was running late. She came to get you 10 minutes late, and she was acknowleding that she was running behind.

The music thing seems odd, but maybe she thought it would help relax you since you have such a hard time calming down and being able to talk.

Also, I read about your earlier session, where she shared information with you on narcissism. I didn't get the impression at all that she was trying to say the YOU were a narcissist. My interpretation was that she was trying to help you realize that your mother was a narcisisist. Children of narcissists often don't feel valuable or worth being cared about, which may be why she was emphasing self-care for you. She wants you to value yourself and feel that you are worth taking care of.

I could be wrong about all this. But my point is that you can interpret somebody's words or behavior in lots of different ways, and assume that they have a certain motive (good or bad). But you really don't know what she meant, or what her motive was, unless you start asking her in the moment when she says or does something that bothers you.

I hope I didn't hurt or offend you. I don't mean to come on too strong. But I just see that you do the same thing I do alot, which is assume that what people say or do is somehow geared negatively toward us. It's easy to think that way when we've been treated badly so much in the past. But it's only fair to check out your perceptions with your t before you start assuming that she doesn't want to work with you anymore, that she wants to make you wait, that she lies, and that she plays irritating music to irritate you.

Having said that though, it's possible that maybe your t and you aren't a good enough fit. It seems that she does push you pretty hard to speak up when it's so difficult for you. And she doesn't give in and let you share things in written form. If you find that you just can't share as openly as she wants you to, and you can't seem to feel comfortable or trusting of her, you might find a better fit with a different t.