Hi Lee,

It sounds very strange to almost everyone that I have talked with, they just cannot comprehend what I'm trying to say. It's this: I grew up in an atmosphere where crying, sadness, and other "weak" emotions were looked down upon not just from my Grandpa....but I guess by everyone else, because no one stood up to him to protect us.

So, it felt like was me against everyone.

My parents always said that I could trust them, blah, blah. But I couldn't. I couldn't forget the way I saw them treat my sister (who was in & out of the house and Anti Social personality Disorder took over in early teens)!! Nor could I forget how they never came to our rescue at Grandma & Grandpa's house! Why in the hell should I ever trust them?

We all make mistakes ~ I know. I am trying not to get off track here... but what I am saying is that I have been holding these deep feelings inside for so many years out of deep habit, how do I turn that around? While part of my mind just kind of does what I want in that moment, I can make the orders to take a shower, brush teeth, etc. It isn't that easy with emotional reactions.

Sorry for rambling...That's where I'm coming from.