Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
My question would be, comparing it to my situation with my own mother, is there room in your family for her to be competent? It almost looks like she is trying to be an overachiever. Yet she doesn't even cook or really know how to care for someone else. I can kind of relate to that - my efforts to do those things in the house were usually made fun of or undermined in some way. I finally apologized just this week for an awful remark I made to my t many years ago and oh yes he remembered it. But it took me this long to see it was an echo of something my mother had said to me many times. You know, my mother ca n really cook, and usually that is something italian mothers teach their daughters - but not in my case. it was too wrapped up in her own identity, she couldn't pass it on without losing herself.
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She is not only competent, she is extraordinary. She cannot cook because she has no patience or interest in it. Literally if it takes longer than 30 seconds to reheat she'll eat it cold. She has never shown an interest in cooking, and I was not about to force her. Truth be told I think its because she's afraid of failure. Most things come very easy for her, and for some reason this does not so she avoids it. When we're cooking as a family, she will sit there and join into the conversation.
She
can care for others and does for her friends, she just chooses not to for her family members. I have no doubt if it came down to it she could and would if it were something serious.
We all feel taken for granted. On the one hand it gives me a great deal of pleasure to know that she knows that we are here for her for anything big or small.
I am happy that she is secure enough in herself to state her opinions even if they oppose my own. Which is one of the reasons that I rationalize these comments she makes without thinking of what she's saying. She is everything I ever wanted in a daughter, but I do not like this new attitude. She was raised in a loving home, allowed to fully speak her mind and voice her opinions openly, but we deserve the same respect that we that we show to her.