I've always worried about whether or not it was possible to create great art while being happy at the same time. And if it isn't possible, then I'm not sure I want to be happy.

For one thing—a lot of my inner torment is because of my inability to be in a relationship, so if I were to be in a relationship, I'd lose that. And then I couldn't write good music (or anything) if I lose all the feelings that inspire me now.

This blog post says it better than I can—
Christopher Zara: The Myth of the Tortured Artist -- and Why It's Not a Myth

So, how do I choose between art and happiness? And shouldn't I be slowly weaning myself off of medication as it is probably interfering with my ability to compose. I just don't know how I'll act around other people if I'm completely unmedicated. But still, I resent the fact that the drugs have probably prevented me from writing more and better stuff.