attraction, passion, very powerful (like a drug---made in your brain---maybe actually now that i think of it)----who wouldn't want that at times?---usually not healthy. good for you for being able to step back and look. and, hey, the writing is good---could be a romance novel in the making----. The education is what you need to focus on now, that can too easily get lost/sidetracked---the rest will work out, maybe some rough emotional waters but you will prevail.