I don't know how to make this not long and convoluted, but I'll try. I've been seeing the same T for nearly six years (on and off). We've been through a lot o ****, including the birth of my second child, my near divorce, several bouts of intensely suicidal depression. And some raging transferential storms. I love her and I've been terrifically hurt by her. I've thought about leaving any number of times over the years, especially in the last year.

Late last year I finally decided I needed to consult with another T, because I stopped being able to make heads or tails of my relationship with my T. I know I was projecting all kinds of **** onto her, and wanting her to love me, which she essentially told me she couldn't do and I needed to stop asking her about it. My emotions were making me crazy. I would go see her and just sob through entire sessions. And I am NOT a crier. I felt like I was losing my mind.

I consulted a new T, with expertise in postpartum depression, which I was experiencing at the time. I told my T about the consultation. I really, really liked the new T right off the bat. I ended up seeing her every few weeks, and continue to do so. I've elected not to tell my T about the ongoing sessions with newT.

During my last session with new T, she basically told me all kinds of things that I had literally waited years to hear from my T (and never did). Nothing inappropriate, and nothing promising more than what is possible within the T relationship. I know that my T's unwillingness to say some things (like whether she loves or misses me - and I wanted to know the answer yes or no) is part of her style and/or her personality. I can accept that now, I think.

NewT is very willing to self-disclose her reactions to me, and I feel like I've learned more from her in several months than I have from my T in years. It seems like the obvious thing to do would be to switch Ts. But I can't seem to get myself to leave my current T.

I suspect the first step would be to fess up to T that I've been seeing someone else too, but I've not yet been able to do so.

If you've made it this far, thank you! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.