It is so hard to go through this alone. Like clockwork I have bad times everyday and they aren't getting better. I think in part because outside of here, I am becoming more and more alone.

Temptation in a weak state is making me shake all over. I found the bottle of Ativan it has about 200mg. I can't tell my husband I found it, he got very mad the last time I did.

I keep trying to find something in life to hold onto. Over the years, outside of Jason's death, my life has gone drastically downhill in so many areas.

I feel my life is meaningless, I know it is. I hate making hard decisions.