Your life isn't meaningless; you are here for a purpose. Things will get better. Statistically, they have to. Imagine yourself in 5 years from now, content, seeing a new pdoc who cares, with your bp under control, reveling in new passions, maybe still with your husband (who by now has realized how lucky he is) or maybe with another man who cherishes you. I know that you think it can't happen. When we're depressed, we think that nothing good can happen to us, and that hopelessness breeds suicidality.

You have to hang on. You think that you know that it won't get better, but the truth is that it could, and it probably will.