Jolisse and shattered sanity, thank you for responding
regarding the rent - my thought was that I had forgotten to pay it. then because I often second guess myself, I saw myself walk down the hall to pay it. There was a burst of anxiety but I didn't think it had been that high. not on meds during this time

as a child I wasn't on any meds. was witness to early childhood abuse, remember that physical punishment was always a possibility if found to be doing something perceived as unacceptable...so was always looking out for the body, location of self and others around me was importatnt, room is empty, someone in room. positioning in a room was important.

about 5 years ago - the 3 parts collecting my memories - was an extremely high anxiety situation - more like terror, mental anguish. I had just been to see a new primary female doctor who had yelled at me for trying to change from a male doctor to a female doctor. She said I didn't have the right, blah blah blah. I should have run out the door but had slipped into compliance/surivivor and was trying to explain why I wanted to change docs (past abuse, more comfortable with female etc.- if I could get her to understand she would change her mind, kind of thinking) She then told me she was gointg to interrogate me (her exact words) Her interrogation was rapidly repeated questions, even if I answered the question the first time, like in criminal interrogation - details about the abuse experiences....why I didn't leave.... or why I left...do you drink alcohol....do you smoke....why did you leave your family...... I couldn't not answer. It was awful. After it was over she told me I was now her patient and she asked with surprise why I was so upset. As I left the building I was disoriented and sobbing. Then the dissociation happened in the parking lot. I was on meds at this time as needed (off of therapy and weaning off meds) That appointment was excrutiating and recovery from it took a several years. I haven't had an extreme dissociation like this before while on meds or since, and am not on meds now. she's not my doctor lol.

Think my dissociations are triggered by situations or memory recall which I usually recognize after the fact.