I understand where you're coming from. I've had this situation (with many people) and things end badly, always because of the BPD. I would have acted the same way, pretending I'm ok, but I'm not really and wanting the other person to feel rejected. I usually become ok after a 'break up' because i haven't seen or heard from them in ages, but as soon as I do, all those feelings come back. I think you expressed well why you turned away from him. Probably because you want him to feel rejected, or maybe you were scared if you were all chatty and things went well, then you're open for him to reject you again (well the feelings of being rejected anyway) It isn't wrong of you, its just the way our BPD goes into protective/defence mode. Maybe you aren't ready to be friends yet. Be polite but don't go out of your way, and I say that because you have to protect yourself from being upset again. Sorry, I'm probably rambling here (didn't sleep last night). These things do take time. I feel for you. I understand this situation all too well. Stay strong. You've handled it so well so far.