My Support Forums - View Single Post

amandalouise · Mar 23, 2013, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saintly

I have relatively little in common with others.

I have my theories and I have my reasons, but I am not a misanthrope, I actually find the human experience fascinating. I am just an introvert who cannot seem to connect with others…

I am far less socially anxious than I used to be, yet I still feel no particular draw to socialize with the people I meet. I do interact with people online, but only in special interests forums and I like to have pretend conversations with people, even dead people (like poets and artists and thinkers). I am not asocial.

The allure of people to me is negatively correlated to intimacy. I like you better the more distance there is between us, but again my social anxiety is not as strong and I no longer feel anxious when a student in my class speaks to me—I just don’t care and answer only to be polite.

In a way I am back to my original state, I was a confident child who was indifferent and polite to my peers.

I do wonder; however, if it is not unhealthy? Shouldn’t I want to talk to my peers, to have conversations and go places and be friends? That is normal, but I find people suffocate me. Even the nicest of people, even my Mom who I love dearly (I am capable of love) can overwhelm me with their energy, with their aura and I feel oppressed, physically I feel pressed and smothered and crowded. I can only truly breathe when I am alone.

And also, for me, I have a fascinating inner life and inner world—a great deal of the time I experience the outer world, particular of people as a distraction. “Leave me alone, so I can hear myself think!” I want to scream.

I don’t feel centered when I( am with people, spiritual I feel lost to something integral inside of myself, some inner wholeness that is flourishes when I am alone.
Yet, paradoxically, I like people. I find the human mind interesting—I would love to research people’s lives and experiences, I would love to write books about that. I just don’t connect.

I don’t lack empathy either, if anything I am far too empathetic. I believe I just have too thin a barrier to filter out others energies, but I wonder, especially for someone so inclined towards fantasy, spiritual contemplation, eccentricity, and existential ponderings—if it is not risky for me in some way. Isolation breeds illusion? I know at my most isolated (where I did not leave the hosue for months upon months and barely spoke to my parents, even)--I was kind of strange and became obssessed with hell and the end of the world (which is actually what caused my anxiety disorder, I think), to the point where all I did was think and I couldn't sleep and I was cosnsumed. I don't want to go back there, but I am feeling the call iwnards (and to drop out of school or only take online classes).

I want to be alone, but I am not sure that it would be healthy.

My question is, would it be unhealthy to go inwards again?

Only you and your treatment providers can say whether it would be unhealthy for you to go inwards again.

in general I know many in which doing so would not be good and I know others in which is is very beneficial for them to do so.

again only you and your treatment providers can say whether it would be unhealthy for you. my suggestion contact your treatment providers. they can talk in detail about what you should and should not do according to your life, problems and mental issues.