Hi Shezbut
I too was shamed for having any feelings. If I was happy/excited - told to simmer down, be quiet, don't go by your feelings. If i was sad/angry/crying - told , that's nothing to cry about, if you're going to cry I'll give you something to cry about, if you're going to get mad you're going to get a strapping. always a negative to any emotion. It is still hard to allow myself to feel but I've noticed that by working on changing the messages in my mind about the abuse to - not my fault, its ok to cry, that was wrong, they were wrong, that's a lie, I can cry, etc. - over a long period of time, I am now finding that there are people who are safe to express feelings too. Still working on finding them too but it is happening and feelings are becoming more spontaneous to the situations as they happen. It also helps to not try to force yourself, if it doesn't happen, don't worry about it. My last T said this is very important to give myself whatever time I needed even if it takes the rest of my life. I'm not on a time limited offer kind of deal. he said eventually it will happen when I'm not focused on it so much.

I loved Mork and Mindy too - My T was blessed with going to school with Pam Dawber. He loved to tease her and asked her to marry him. Said he would have too. Said Pam hit him on the head with her binder - No!! lol