Quote:
Originally Posted by seattleskies88
So yesterday, my therapist (who is a wonderful, quirky sort of guy) told me that in order to forgive those who have hurt me, I need to know exactly what I'm forgiving. He said that since I tend to bury a lot of stuff from the past, it will be important to bring it back up, re-experience the traumas in a safe environment (ie, his office), re-feel the emotions as honestly as possible and from there, accept what has happened to me and work on forgiveness and acceptance.
I know that this is something I really need to do, but the thing is, I'm not sure how to get started. Every time I sit in his office, I think about how I'd love to just cry it all out but I've become so numb and detached over the past few years that it seems impossible. I am so emotionless in therapy, but when I'm alone, especially at night, those memories haunt me enough to cry.
I don't want to go through the process alone because I have a history of SI. I need to be able to do this with the guidance and support of my therapist, but I want to make sure I'm not faking anything. Does that make sense? So basically, how do I get these emotions to surface while in my therapy session? 
Thanks for reading my long-winded post and for any advice you have! |
I have no advice, I can't seem to get any emotions to come up in therapy. I think that maybe you should continue talk to your T about this..? Have you accepted your past? If you haven't accepted it, maybe that's what's keeping detached? I really have no idea, I am just grasping at straws.
I'm in a similar boat except for the fact that I don't know much about my childhood, so it's hard to accept anything if I don't know what happened to me. T mentioned that I definitely didnt get what I needed, but I continue to blow it off bc I dont think that it's fair to get upset that I didnt get the attention (love and affection, lack of attention to the fact that I was always very anxious and on edge, I was compulsively hurting myself and was depressed) that I needed or bc I didn't bond with my mother--people have come out of worse situations than that. I keep saying "so what". I think that's what's keeping me from feeling emotions about it--though I probably should.
I hope you talk to T about this. You won't be alone in dealing with this. T will be there. If you need T between sessions find out his policy. If you can't contact T, perhaps you can call a hotline so you don't feel alone. And you can always come here!
