You sound very strong to me. To break the connection took lots of courage. And wanting to do something healthy "against the grain" also shows strength and courage. Right now you are wounded and need time to heal. Trying to force too much at once might backfire. Trying to provide extra care for yourself and seeing if you can be gentle and soothing with yourself will be challenging. Also feeling the loss and hurt from ending such a relationship will take some recovery and time. You seem really clear-headed about this whole thing, even if your emotions are tangled up right now. It may be too hard to imagine or too soon, I'm not sure, but considering talking to someone, maybe a temporary counselor, just while you are recovering might help. Or going to a group where people might understand and give you support. And of course posting here since people seem genuinely concerned.