I find myself playing with my meds again today. A little extra this, a little extra that, adding 100mg Benadryl. I wait a little bit and see how that feels and maybe add some more.

My PDOC doesn't give a crap. I am not sure if I will be accepted to the Psyc unit, I have always used and is covered
100% by insurance. My husband doesn't want to be bothered. I am supposed to be where he is in feeling better. If I told him what I am doing he will blow up.

I put my Panic aside the other day and went to the ER associated with my Psyc unit. I told them the truth. Because my PDOC didn't call them back they let me go.

I am not sure that I want to die. I do want to feel numb. I do want someone to see how bad I am struggling, and how close to the edge I might go.