Hi Mara, you can go to your first meeting and just listen to others talk. You dont have to admit anything, if your not ready to talk. I think to continue with drinking is going to cause a lot more trouble then just feeling like a failure. It could be your life, nobody thinks its going to happen to them but people die all the time from drinking, my neighbor next door drank himself to death at 34. Part of the alcholism is not being able to see the forest for the trees so to speak, we arn't able to work our way out of the drinking problem and need help to do this.