^ Awesome paintings by the way, krisakira.

Anyway, I know writing music for me is usually a release of emotions. Or by the very least, the only way I'm allowed to express them.

I'm afraid of what will happen if I'm "happy" for a long period of time. I don't know what it's like, but I know I won't be able to write a Dies Irae from a Requiem Mass for example. It's hard enough when you're angry and/or miserable to write good, angry music. I could write the Sanctus I suppose...but still.

I know composers have style periods, but I don't want my second style period to be all happy and fluffy...I'm hard pressed to think of happy art music that I like. With no offense towards anyone, as everyone has different tastes, but I find happy music boring. What is there to write about?

Don't worry, I'll stay on my meds...they keep me stable without negating all negative emotion. Actually, nothing helps my depression go away completely, just get better. And it's not very likely that I'll magically find someone who would date me and even more magically, STAY with me. And maybe I won't be happy and it will work out, but it worries me.