I felt kinda good today... I fit in my jeans again... not exactly for the best reasons... but it feels good. Still have a long way to go, though. Of course, then I just go on to notice how the river's at flood stage and how easy it'd be to run on the walk alongside it and "accidentally" end up in it. I think my job gives me too much time to think.
No, never been diagnosed. Getting a diagnosis has never been mentioned to me, I thought of it a couple months ago, but I'm really not willing to step out looking for professional help on my own. Lately I've been going to people I feel I can trust, and I think I'd go to a professional if they mentioned it... I just don't know though. I live with my parents, and my mom makes it difficult, 3 years ago I went to a counsellor with my pastor's support, but mom got to my emotions so much I felt entirely hopeless and made a less-than-lethal attempt. It's not that she tries to mess with me like that, or doesn't want me to be ok, it's just part of her own problems. The counselling wasn't really helping anyway, though. Talked with a social worker a while last year, but I never felt ok with her. Maybe I need to try seeing a guy... don't feel comfortable with many women, but that would bring a lot of awkward problems with my mom again. It's way too much of an emotional hassle... more likely to hurt than anything, because I'd probably end up extremely angry and frustrated with her so I don't care if it'd hurt her and make a better-planned attempt - which is the state I was in when I made the other attempt. Don't really have any options.