Miserable, lonely, pathetic...yeah, that pretty much describes how I've felt for the last few years. I don't remember what it's like to have a "wonderful emotion" anymore. I have pretty much zero self-worth, never have. I've always hated myself for as long as I can remember.

I'm not going to seek help from a doctor or therapist or anything like that. I'm not a very open person with anyone. I have a hard time opening up here and this is all completely anonymous and no one here will ever know or see me. I could never be this open face to face with a doctor that I barely know. And yes, I know that's their job, they are paid to listen to people's problems and get them to open up....I've heard it all a million times from everyone I know. Still never going to happen.

Yeah, I know I'm young and have "plenty of time to find someone". I've been offered to be set up on several dates by several of my friends. But I turn them all down because I know that the dates will go badly and I'll just end up feeling 10 times worse then I do now. And yes, I realize that's a terrible way to look at things. But that's been the experience of my entire life so that's all I have to base my opinion on. When all you know is disappointment and failure....that's all you come to expect.

I know I'm not over my divorce, I'm never going to be completely over my divorce. She was my first love, my high school sweetheart, she's the mother of my children...all that stuff. I just don't know. Like I said I don't know why I'm even posting this on here

No, I don't deserve the best. I honestly don't feel like I deserve anyone. I don't deserve to be happy. I'll just spend my life lonely and alone