Hi Guys

I'm confused, none of this makes any sense

To cut a very long story short, a young man & I got together last year in October time. We've known eachother since school (almost 7 years ago now) & he's always had a thing for me, understatement, he was crazy about me! We got together (I thought he was cute & I appreciated having someone like me for me as I am not one for getting much attention-Indeed I tend to push any male attention away) I went round his home about 5 times overall. We never did anything apart from cuddle & kiss. Well alright alright, I let him 'finger' me & I gave him fellatio but that was it in terms of any kind of 'oral sex'. He told me he thought he loved me. But at the time I wasn't interested, he's very outgoing, I'm quite introverted, he's into different things from me, I daresay we have anything in common...

But since we had arguments (again to cut a detailed story short basically I more or less 'led him on' he really liked me I didn't at the time feel the same way) & I knew we were too different to be together we're over. Compeletely.

But now I find myself thinking about him. Not just wanting to cuddle & touch him to satisfy him sexually but also emotionally, I want to support him, to be with him, to do things with him, to listen, for him to be there for me, to hold me I'm too nervous to go to his door & apologise for what happened (LONG STORY but see the 'Since we had arguments' part for a bit of a clue) but I thought I wasn't into him. I've no idea this just doesn't make any sense but I find myself thinking and wanting him, not simply for sex but for something else.....something much deeper but I can't make head or tail of any of this

I am on dating profiles and lots of men are chatting to me and quite a few want to meet me, but I want -him- I seem to keep finding. It keeps coming back to him.

Thankyou for reading I hope you will be able to help me