Well...as i see it...you've made the concious choice that you need some help. That is a very positve beginning!
Since you are the "captain" of your "ship", the choice to move forward is all yours.
I remember once when this very thought came to me; that I could get all the advice in the world but that the initial start had to be made by MY choice. Yeah...it's scary...the unknown and all...but this concious realization of yours to seek some sort of help for this is the beginning to freedom.
I find that thought exciting and full of possibilities...now.
I'm certain you will too...if you really try...O.K.?
Take care now...God bless...
m.b.