This does feel uncomfortable which I feel needs to be said upfront. I have PTSD and most of it is based in sexual trauma. Still I have recovered substantially.

However, a recent incident that involved writing an email with sexual content while I was asleep on Ambien got me in so much trouble that I feel like my sexuality is taboo or something wrong.

I do have a partner but we haven't been sexual in a long time because he is older. So I have had to use self-stimulation, which came easily to me for a while, but now it's not working.

I am really craving the release, and do not want to seek out someone else though I have entertained the idea. It is just that my partner would feel terrible about this so I don't want to hurt him.

Still I want to be able to feel satisfied and it's so frustrating to try and feel like it's all wrong. I don't really know how to get out of this bind.