Swam 5k and did spin class today. Almost puked. Didn't stop the thoughts from racing through my head. I'm reading all these CBT books about self-esteem and depression but nothing has clicked. Went to church last week and had lunch with a pastor yesterday but I don't have the willpower to take a leap of faith. At the end of the day, regardless of what you do, you have to come home at night and look at those dark-circled eyes in the mirror and not hate the thing staring back at you. I don't know the answer. I don't know anything. I am nothing.

"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here"