OK!

I got the diagnosis of the Self Defeating Personality Disorder by T and P-doc.

On Bipolar, p-doc is uncertain. He says that he would not bet that I am Bipolar if here sitting on a forensic panel, but he would not bet that I am NOT Bipolar either. It is a puzzle for him for now. I will see him in a month and we will continue with monthly visits.

T: "OK. Makes sense. Self-Defeating personality really fits, and the psychiatrist is right that he wants to keep observing, not way to pronounce your one way of the other without extended observation and your own self-observation."

Self defeating personality disorder is not in the current DSM, but is still widely used by practitioners.

Proposed DSM III-R
Self-defeating personality disorder is:
A) A pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him, as indicated by at least five of the following:
1. chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available _ YES
2. rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him or her - YES
3. following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain (e.g., an accident) - NO
4. incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated) - NO
5. rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure) - YES
6. fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, e.g., helps fellow students write papers, but is unable to write his or her own - NO
7. is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, e.g., is unattracted to caring sexual partners - YES
engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice - YES, both solicited and unsolicited. When I was working at ABC and gave ex all the money and signed up to pay spousal support for some years, he mentioned, in passing, that it was unfair that the spousal support was not for life since I had ruined his life and rendered him unemployable. He mentioned it in passing. He did not expect action. I immediately found a lawyer who was willing to devise an agreement that would have obligated me to pay him support until his death, as a private contract outside of family court. Not only did I find the lawyer, but also I felt that it was wrong of me to be reactive to ex' suggestion. I faulted myself for not coming up with this idea on my own, unprompted. Only luck saved me from signing the agreement to support him for life - ABC laid off one third of its staff including me. So I became unemployed and the issue of support for life became moot. So it was an example of a self-sacrifice that was not fully solicited by ex.