Hey guys.

This post is about my past 6 year relationship. My boyfriend and I got back together this past year, after I found out he cheated on my over 3 years ago. He finally admitted it, and apologized, as well as said he would have told me sooner if he had thought I would not break-up with him.

So, we start "dating" again, with the promise he would never cheat on me again, as well. I moved home, which is over 12 hours away from his home, this past August, and on Friday he told me he cheated on me again last week, as well as had almost cheated several times before.

He then told me he wanted to break-up, and that he had wanted to break-up for awhile. He said he would not have cheated otherwise. He also said he had feelings for the girl he cheated with, which basically makes me feel like I am being dumped for another girl.

He also told me that he only drinks so much because he was so miserable with me. That really hurts.

The parts of this that I'm leaving out, are:

I feel like I drove him away by being worried about him cheating on me constantly. I always asked him if he was, especially after I found he had already done so the first time.

When we lived together, we had a LOT of problems. I would always get upset when he wanted to go out drinking. Eventually, this turned into every night, and I was so worried, I would often-times take my home-work to bars and do it while he drank, just so I could be around him.

I gave up everything, when we lived together: I had no friends, I could not talk to anyone, even online, that he didn't approve of, he had my facebook password and constantly checked it, as well as my cellphone. He was always jealous and put me down constantly - like literally insulted every aspect of my existence - my intelligence, my physical appearance, my home life. I think possibly the worst thing he ever said to me, was:

"If God exists, then the reason you were molested is because he knew you were going to be a horrible person, and you deserved it."

That was in heat of an argument, mind you, but considering how much this situation hurt me (as it involved my father), he should not have gone there. But yeah, he definitely emotionally destroyed me with his words.

There were times when we would get into arguments, and I would try to stop him from leaving, by doing such things as: standing behind his car, taking his keys, trying to follow him in our apartment (which led to him slamming the door on me over and over or pushing me out of the room). He hit me only maybe 3 or 4 times - one of those times resulted in my nose bleeding.

But that's not here or now, and I feel like I definitely did drive him away. I am hurting so much.

I posted on this problem the other day, but I wanted to start a thread to get feedback on the possibility of me being codependent? I mean, I think I definitely am. In fact, I believe I have acted as an inverted narcissist, relationship-wise, and I believe my ex-boyfriend can be classified as an abusive narcissist.

Knowing one way or another will not change anything, but maybe it can help me find psychological solutions to get past my damage. As of right now, I am completely devastated.

I am questioning myself in every aspect. I am so sad.

He told me he wanted to stay friends, but I know I shouldn't want to be his friend, just like I shouldn't want him back, but I do. I am so, so, so hurt.