I've spent 23 (almost 24) years a single man, I've never dated before. I've managed to make do alone, but my heart has always needed a woman in it. It's my #1 wish. I've always had this idea that a relationship might be the one and only thing to shatter my mental problems, or at least take my guard down. My mom has a tendency to disagree with this idea, and she's probably right. I don't really know because I've never had anything like it.

A couple weeks ago I was traumatized by something and have been trying to turn my life around ever since, but it's taking some baby steps. I'm finally going to church again, trying to get my heart right with God, and I'm actually talking with some people... "some" as in like, 1 or 2, lol! I'm a total noob.

Well yesterday after church me and my dad had went to Walmart. I needed some earplugs to drain out some of the noise that has been bugging me lately. We couldn't find them, so we asked an elderly employee who led us to the Sports & Outdoors aisle. As I walked down the aisle in search of the mysterious plugs, without even looking, a crouched female employee had asked me if I was "looking for something?", and very surprised I responded with the usual, "nah, I'm fine" and walked away.

I don't know what to make of this, but the moment sure felt interesting, and she was really pretty. Not the usual gorgeous I'm used to seeing online, but she really quite a cutie. I found the earplugs and walked away with my dad to the checkout lanes, but told him that I wanted "to go look for something". I managed to find my way back to the area, where I (discreetly) found her still crouched over, doing something to the shelves.

I hid in an aisle diagonal from hers, and walked about 15 times back and forth deciding what to do, but I just couldn't gather the words I wanted to say. I was starting to develop a slight erection (lmao), but I was also starting to feel very anxious, and eventually bailed.

I'm unemployed, have a few screws loose, and am really shy. How in the world could I justify my interest in her when I am plagued by these problems? I want to go back next week and see if I can find her, but I don't know if I will be able to. I don't even know if I should. What do you good people make of this?